the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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