new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
