he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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