I'm sorry my penis didn't work
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
