my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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