you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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