I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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