omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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