Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
