i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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