Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
