You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
