In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
