im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
