I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
