I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
