Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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