Fuck appropriateness.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
