But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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