sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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