Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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