Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
