So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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