Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
should my penis look like a turkey
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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