one two three fourrrrnication!
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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