Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
