Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
