Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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