Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
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