I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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