when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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