walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
