so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I just found a bag of teeth...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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