You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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