Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
