i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
