weddingsv make me drug and hornr
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
bring money and cleavage
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
