I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
