No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
