My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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