dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
