There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
