my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
