Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
