Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
