My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
