Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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