my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
