Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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