he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
