Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
