1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
