Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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