in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You pole danced in your parka.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
