I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
