I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
