why didn't you poke me back
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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