hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize