I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
