Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
