OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
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