I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
