Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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