loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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