too bad you live with your parents still
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
