Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
