Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
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