Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
