between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
cat food counts as protein by the way
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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