she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
