I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
