I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
