It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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