Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I believe in your delicious
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
