The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
