I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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